I do enjoy American Dad...

Has anyone noticed that Family Guy isn't funny? I mean, who makes fun of Michael J Fox? It's Michael J Fox! I mean, there's really nothing out there that offends me. And I would understand if the joke about Fox was funny, but like most Family Guy jokes, it wasn't. Then they make fun of the Simpsons. Which is pretty much fair game, because they're both animated comedies. But, again, it wasn't a joke. It was just a character shooting each member of the family. While I do agree that the Simpsons episodes have dipped in quality over the years, Family Guy (a show that's never been funny) doesn't really have the right to make fun of it. It's like a a fat ugly girl ripping on a hot a girl because of her looks. Huh?
Why is everyone obsessed over shows and movies that are terrible? LIke Heroes. What a piece of shit. And the worst part is, it didn't start off as a piece of shit. It slowly morphed into a piece of shit. The most accurate thing I've ever heard someone say about Heroes is that it's like talking to a really hot chick who is smart and funny and then at the end of the night you take her home and you discover she has a penis.
Why do all the good shows get cancelled? And then we get more episodes of According to Jim? What the hell is wrong with the world? Grey's Anatomy? Prison Break? Fuck these shows!

I dedicate this blog to all the great television shows out there that were cancelled...

Futurama, Huff, Dead Like Me, Home Movies, Deadwood, Angel, Wonderfalls, Firefly, Arrested Development, Greg the Bunny, and many others.

My Offline acting debut will be featured on the site soon. I hope you all enjoy it. As for writing and directing something... in time. I have something a little different than what Paul and Dan are working on with their short films. Variety is the spice of life.

Ryan

What I'm listening to: "Civil Twilight" by the Weakerthans

Spider Holocaust

"It's like the holocaust.... but instead of people, it's spiders" Quote of the Day

So, young female whores in Hollywood are fucking up little girls everywhere. It's horrible. It's terrible. I'm way too old to take advantage of the fact that there's a generation of girls growing up slutty. I heard two girls, no older than 13 years old talking about giving head. Wha the fuck is that? Girls had cooties when I was 13. Now they're all sucking dick and have jungle fever. Why couldn't this have been the standard behaviour when I was younger? I mean, as it stands I'm way too old to touch 15 year olds now. How depressing is that?.... (I'm not saying if I had the chance I'd touch 15 year olds.... but I would let them touch me)

I'm old. Old enough to be afraid of life. And destiny. And a chubby mid section. When did THAT happen? And I hate everything now. I'm jaded. Dane Cook isn't funny! What the hell is wrong with everyone who thinks that guys is funny? And Fuck, High School Musical? Jesus.... just Jesus. When the hell will I be famous? Soon? Is it soon? If so many people out there can be famous without being talented then when's my turn? I guess I'd need to get my name out there first. I guess this site helps. I'm working on a short film... something slightly different than what I'm used to.

I'm also working on a kids movie. The world needs another movie like the Goonies. And less celebrity sluts turning girls into little tramps. Awesome little tramps.

What Ryan's listening to: "Our Life is not a Movie or Maybe" by Okkervil River

Blogging is hard to do

Aren't blogs for whiny boys and girls who want to bitch about problems they don't have and submit poems about loneliness? Blogs are hard. They're for people with things to say. What things do I have to say? I wish I could draw a Smurf by taping a blue crayon to my cock. Or going to the bar with a friends picture on my shirt, with "In loving Memory" just below it. Just so that people will feel sorry for me because they think my friend has died so they'll give me free drinks and girls would be willing to pity fuck me.

I think this blog will be a good exercise in externalizing internal thoughts and feelings which, by all rights, really should be externalized to begin with. Like how I think I'd really like to have an affair with a woman in a loveless marriage who takes care of her two boys all day (one kid would be 8, the other 10). And she'd be vulnerable and let me do anything, like do funny things to her with glow sticks while singing the theme song to Fraggle Rock.

See, I wouldn't be able to get away with saying shit like that in front of a real live fleshy person. They'd look at me funny, as if I told them that I really wouldn't mind if I got a massage from a man. Because I don't think I would mind.
To make a long blog short, this is all very strange. I'm excited about this site though. And the talented people. So, check back, I'll probably have more bullshit to say...

What Ryan's listening to: "Hunting for Witches" by the Bloc Party